i'm going for the bigtime

excerpts from warhol star andrea feldman's obituary, written by geraldine smith and published in the village voice on august 17, 1972:


"i met andrea nine years ago in washington square park and we were friends ever since. we frequently visited max's kansas city, where she performed for recognition, which she immediately received, by singing "everything's coming up roses" in her unique style. eventually this lead to her role in the movie "imitation of christ", after which she made "groupie" and after this "trash". by the time she did "trash" she was a recognized superstar, an established personality.

andy identified with marilyn monroe. she had many friends and yet never believed anyone really loved her. she gave of herself so much and she will never know how much we all will miss her. she said of herself, 'this time i'm going to the top, to explode like dynamite.' she also said, 'noone takes me seriously because they think of me as a joke.' andrea was tormented constantly by her fear of not being loved, of unrecognition, of ridicule and not being understood."

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andrea summoned several ex-boyfriends to the home of her parents so that they would be witness to her 'final starring role': her suicide. feldman was holding a can of coke in one hand and a rosary in the other when she jumped from the fourteenth floor of 51 fifth avenue & 12th st, new york city. according to geraldine smith, andrea left a note addressed to everyone she knew, saying she loved them all, but 'i'm going for the bigtime, i hit the jackpot!'

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it's strange, people with problems captivate me more than anyone else ever could.