miserable lie

recently i realised that while all this time i thought i had changed from the person i was a year ago, i'm still exactly the same. back in the days when i was sheltered i had the will but not the means to self-destruct

and under these various self-destructive behaviours is the same girl, i'm still sheltered and debilitatingly self-conscious, awkward and shy.

now i can mask the person i am but that doesn't change the fact that i'm still selfish, i'm still wasting my time on the unattainable, and i'm still not really living, i doubt i'll look back on this year with fondness

this all sounds like pretentious rubbish but it's completely sincere, i suppose i should resolve to make myself a better person, i don't really know how but i'll try my best

_________________________________