Friday, July 1, 2011

bringing it all back home

sorry to the anon for whom i answered those questions and then deleted them, i decided that it's probably not a good idea to air such deeply private matters on a such a public forum that some people i know can see. that two-odd weeks in which i had the link to this blog up on facebook, and then wisely decided to take it down have certainly made blogging that much more interesting...

but yeah maybe i'll stick to just anonymous privacy-invading formsprings instead of devoting a whole post to my weird personal life. get on it!

anyway as a follow-up to that stuff i deleted, everything is still ambiguous. oh, life.
dear boys,
please decide if you like me, or if you do not like me. perform the necessary actions to indicate which of the prior feelings is relevant. stop being weird. (probably a bit optimistic.)
sincerely, alex.

also, on thursday night a combination of no food/being a bit drunk/being a lot stoned/standing up too fast caused me to faint in the middle of a crowded bar, smack my head on the tiles and get a mild concussion. fun fun fun. just thought i'd share, because that's the most interesting thing that has happened to me this week.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

the best friends i have had

nintendo 64

1. my first best friend, since kindergarten i think. however while we sat together in class/i liked to braid her hair and stuff, i was a very antisocial child and i chose to wander around alone during lunchtime, making up stories instead of spending time with the other children. we drifted after i left melbourne for a year in year three. by the time we were in the same class again in year 6, we were completely different people. we both ended up moving to different schools and i haven't seen her in years.

2. she was my best friend when i moved to new south wales for a year. we used to bond over playing pokemon gold, and sometimes i would go to her house and we would play perfect dark on nintendo 64. however i lost a little respect for her when i found out she supported john howard (yes i had already been indoctrinated into my parents' socially liberal political agenda by the age of 7). then i moved back to melbourne at the end of the year. there was talk of her moving to melbourne later on as well, but she never did. she added me on facebook a while ago, it's funny seeing people you only knew as children all grown up, and i suppose she feels the same was about me.

3. i befriended her in year 5, she has such a warmth and frenetic energy that attracted me and she used to be a bit of a social butterfly. however over time she clung to me more and more strongly, and at the end of year 6 my parents asked the school to put us in different classes for year 7 so we could make different friends. we ended up hanging out in a big group with some of my friends the next year, and then i moved schools. we still remain close friends but now a struggles to make friends where i don't anymore, almost a role reversal of what we used to be. i see her quite often. she can still be a bit clingy but mostly i love to spend time with her.

4. i made friends with her at the start of year 11. by that stage i had lost all my friends from the previous two years, and we became known as a single entity, neither of us really had any other friends so we stuck together. we had so many wonderful times together that i look back upon fondly, but by the end of year 12 i was struggling for independence while she was struggling to keep us together. this year we are in different countries, and i started university while she can't until next year. she was very upset when i told her i wasn't taking a gap year. but i like the friends i have made this year, and i like being my own person for a change. i still love her a lot i guess. i'll see what happens when she gets back.

Monday, May 30, 2011

dumb things that i say

"i'm not a socialist, i love buying stuff"

"man, your house is, like, carb-fest"
"i am soooooo sober"
"i forgot how to do long division"

Sunday, May 29, 2011

always

Thursday, May 26, 2011

ready or not

i can't articulate my feelings about today. i had two separate, both fairly bleak discussions about my views on my life. and one of them was with someone i haven't spoken to properly in ages and it felt beautiful and just like old times, and made me a little sad that he will never be anything more than a friend ever again.
i want to change my life so that i don't feel quite so depressed about it all the time, but i don't know how. i'm not as bad as i used to be, but a lot of things still go wrong for me almost always these days. (and people always tell me that you get what you give, but i try so hard for things, and put in so much effort, and they never work out.)
oh and to 'a friend', i am almost certain i know who you are. and i'm sorry, i was feeling bitter and frustrated and disappointed with everyone. and listening to "why'd ya do it" by marianne faithfull.
/
i'm sorry my blog is so boring i will try and think of more things to put on it that isn't moodiness or music that i like.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

wasted hours


i'm a sucker for nostalgia. i can't explain it or even express it coherently, but everywhere i have ever been and everything i have ever done, i look back on and miss intensely. places where i used to go on holiday, my old school/s, parties i got drunk and silly at, people i used to talk to. i miss my mum and dad working at the age. i miss playing the cello. i miss new york. i miss living in kiama. i don't know what it is, maybe i long for a simpler time - as if every passing second makes life more and more complicated. i can look to the future now, without feeling so scared, but i still look back all the time, and ache for everything i can never return to.


Sunday, May 15, 2011

the past month, bulleted (word to your moms)

  • $3 white wine, apple cider, vodka and cranberry, but now mainly $3 white wine because i can't afford anything else anymore
  • on that note, getting down to my last $20
  • "remember that time when alex got drunk and...... oh wait, alex is ALWAYS drunk!" - one of my friends. well i can't argue with that.
  • jump around - house of pain
  • the toff in town
  • befriending the british bouncer at the toff in town
  • three day eurovision-viewing bender
  • too many packs of peter stuyvesants
  • 4th chamber - gza/genius (feat ghostface killah, rza, killah priest)
  • wearing ridiculous clothes everywhere ie this -
  • never going to uni
  • writing essays the night they are due
  • sleeping on other people's floors
  • being stared down by pedestrians when i walk to the tram stop the next morning in the above ridiculous clothes and wearing dark glasses
  • backstage work for a wonderful play
  • eyes be closed - washed out