houses in motion

jethro cave is mah dream man

might be getting a waitressing job at this cheesy 50s-style diner in south yarra, fuck yeah. pretty much my dream job.

i love it when people turn out to be better people than you thought they were before.

my life would be pretty good right now if i hadn't totally fucked things up by being selfish and impulsive and quick-tempered, my personality flaws make a mess of everything.

today while i was working i accidentally caught my cross necklace on my finger when i went to grab something, and it broke so i had to use scissors as makeshift pliers to link it back together. i don't know if this is a bad or good omen.

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and you have no idea, no idea how it feels

to be on your own

in your own home

with the fucking phone

and the mother of gloom

in your bedroom

standing over your bed

with her hand in your head

rosemary kennedy and ginnifer goodwin: separated at birth? (srsly.)

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night comes on

i'm so tired of my moods being so up and down.

i'm so sick of feeling worthless.

more than anything, i wish tomorrow morning i could wake up and be someone else.

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

rave on

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i feel like i am drowning.

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currently listening to:

how to disappear completely ~ radiohead

let's dance ~ david bowie

sunny afternoon ~ the kinks

what do i get? ~ the buzzcocks

love

i have been reading a blog recently that is always beautiful and often profound.

"it's hard for me to tell sometimes because i'm in love with love and this is something i've grown to accept, i'll never ask my head to come down from the clouds because that is where i think it belongs. you fall farther when you live way up there but you live better, you live so much better."

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in a similar vein i watched this film for the first time in quite a while.

"i don't know who i am. i'm like cat here. we're a couple of no-name slobs. we belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. we don't even belong to each other."

it came to my attention that i spend an awful lot of time wondering what it's like to belong to someone and for someone to belong to you.

"i had fun, but i didn't really have anyone i particularly loved. and i still don't, except for loving friends. but i mean, i haven't been in love with anyone in years and years. but i have a certain amount of faith that it'll come."

~ edie sedgwick, the ciao manhattan tapes

some candy talking

i've kind of given up on trying to be normal during high school. i'm not going to regularly attend parties. i'm not going to be friends with the people who i think are the coolest. i'm not going to be in a relationship. everything i daydream about is fanciful and silly and will remain just that - a daydream.

all i can hope for is a fresh start once i am out in the real world, assuming anything will change.

the space between our work and its product

we live as we dream, alone

to crack the shell we mix with the others

some flirt with fascism

some lie in the arms of lovers

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we live as we dream, alone

we live as we dream, alone

we live as we dream, alone

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[...]

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man and woman need to work

it helps us define ourselves

we were not born in isolation

but sometimes it seems that way

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we live as we dream, alone

we live as we dream, alone

we live as we dream, alone

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i can't stand it much longer.

everything will turn out all right

i'm very up and down lately, often i'll be completely depressed at the start of the day and quite cheerful by the end of it or vice versa. mainly i'm just bitter about things that don't really matter in the end.

recently i've also become obsessed with the idea of a tattoo. i want a couple of swallows on each hip or each side of my lower back, i haven't quite decided yet. i also want a second earlobe piercing and maybe an ear cartilage piercing. not too sure why i'm suddenly so interested. perhaps i should hold off the body modification until i'm a little more emotionally stable.

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currently listening to:

chicago ~ sufjan stevens

my boyfriend's back ~ the chiffons

lay lady lay ~ bob dylan

summarize ~ little birdy