french playlist

1. la javanaise ~ serge gainsbourg

2. parlez-moi de lui ~ dalida

3. si la photo et bonne ~ barbara

4. tu veux ou tu veux pas ~ brigitte bardot

5. quelqu'un ma dit ~ carla bruni

6. laisse tomber les filles ~ fabienne delsol

7. dis, quand reviendras-tu? ~ martha wainwright

8. poupee de cire, poupee de son ~ france gall

9. non, je ne regrette rien ~ edith piaf

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miserable lie

recently i realised that while all this time i thought i had changed from the person i was a year ago, i'm still exactly the same. back in the days when i was sheltered i had the will but not the means to self-destruct

and under these various self-destructive behaviours is the same girl, i'm still sheltered and debilitatingly self-conscious, awkward and shy.

now i can mask the person i am but that doesn't change the fact that i'm still selfish, i'm still wasting my time on the unattainable, and i'm still not really living, i doubt i'll look back on this year with fondness

this all sounds like pretentious rubbish but it's completely sincere, i suppose i should resolve to make myself a better person, i don't really know how but i'll try my best

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but you know i know when it's a dream

movies i have to see, in order of importance

1. nowhere boy
2. the lovely bones
3. the french kissers
4. sherlock holmes
5. bright star
6. the invention of lying

which is almost $100 in movie tickets all up

:/

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oh fuuuuuuuuuck

shit study score
and the scaling is a BITCH

lose your dreams and you will lose your mind

i have a compulsive tendency to compare myself to everyone i know and figure out where it is that they come off better than me.

i don't know if this is a personality flaw that can be fixed, a permanent and entrenched character trait that will be with me forever, or just high school.

whatever it is, it's fucking with me.

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an old man awake in his own death

this is the place that was promised
when i went to sleep,
taken from me when i woke.

this is the place unknown to anyone,
where names of ships and stars
drift out of reach.

the mountains are not mountains anymore;
the sun is not the sun.
one tends to forget how it was.

i see myself, i see
the shine of darkness on my brow.
once i was whole, once i was young...

as if it mattered now
and you could hear me
and the weather of this place would ever cease.

~ mark strand

lipstick killer

william heirens is the "lipstick killer", incarcerated in illinois since 1946. charged with the murders of two women and a six-year old girl, he earned his moniker by allegedly scrawling in lipstick on the bedroom wall of one of his victims:

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pictures that make me smile

edie sedgwick sneezing

graham chapman in and now for something completely different

audrey hepburn

john lennon + pigeon

gay rights protest at yale + evangelist

houses in motion

jethro cave is mah dream man

might be getting a waitressing job at this cheesy 50s-style diner in south yarra, fuck yeah. pretty much my dream job.

i love it when people turn out to be better people than you thought they were before.

my life would be pretty good right now if i hadn't totally fucked things up by being selfish and impulsive and quick-tempered, my personality flaws make a mess of everything.

today while i was working i accidentally caught my cross necklace on my finger when i went to grab something, and it broke so i had to use scissors as makeshift pliers to link it back together. i don't know if this is a bad or good omen.

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and you have no idea, no idea how it feels

to be on your own

in your own home

with the fucking phone

and the mother of gloom

in your bedroom

standing over your bed

with her hand in your head

rosemary kennedy and ginnifer goodwin: separated at birth? (srsly.)

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ning nang nong

found this on youtube, wooooow blast from the past!

the dancing mushrooms are a little unsettling though.

hello

you're quite attractive

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monique and i are starting a zine, i feel more self-indulgently arty than ever. it's our summer project.

i was looking at a blog i found about irrational fears, and this one made me laugh:

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"Hi I'm Ryan, and I'm afraid of bathtub sharks. I actually have this totally dumb fear that underneath my bathtub is a shark waiting for me to fall through the bottom and eat me. I don't know where this came from, only that it is. For a while I went through a period where I was more afraid of bathtub alligators, and once for a while with snakes, but mostly its the sharks. Now, I've been to construction sites and seen that there is no way for a shark to fit in between the first and second floor of my house, let alone room for it to mantain the constant motion necessary for a shark to survive, yet the fear persists."

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teehee. bathtub sharks. and this, while long-winded, is also fucking hilarious. new favourite site? i think yes.

nice quotes i have found recently

"the individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. if you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. but no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
- friedrich nietzche

"there's an awful lot of white, british kids who have never really gone hungry, always had a roof to live under, but at the same time are desperately unhappy. it's not total poverty, just a poverty of ideas."
- richie edwards

"when you’re a teenager and in your early twenties it seems desperately eternal and excruciatingly painful. whereas as you grow older you realise that most things are excruciatingly painful and that is the human condition. most of us continue to survive because we’re convinced that somewhere along the line, with grit and determination and perseverance, we will end up in some magical union with somebody. it’s a fallacy, of course, but it’s a form of religion. you have to believe. there is a light that never goes out and it’s called hope."
- morrissey

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sounds like summer

revised and extended summer playlist

1. lust for life ~ girls
2. sunny afternoon ~ the kinks
3. don't worry baby ~ the beach boys
4. born to run ~ bruce springsteen
5. just can't get enough ~ nouvelle vague
6. julia ~ the beatles
7. carrot rope ~ pavement
8. dreaming ~ blondie
9. stay alive ~ the pains of being pure at heart
10. here comes the summer ~ the undertones
11. sugar town ~ nancy sinatra
12. it's my life ~ no doubt
13. sleepyhead ~ passion pit
14. 4th time around ~ bob dylan
15. running free ~ buzzcocks

ciao! manhattan

is on youtube in its entirety. go go go and hit that shit up before it gets deleted for copyright or gratuitous nudity. kind of an awful movie but edie is mesmerising as always. i took some stillz

she was sssssssso beautiful but i guess you already know that

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schedule

i think i'm putting all my whiney posts on private so this blog is fit for people i know to read

tuesday: volunteer work at op shop from 10:30 - 4:30

wednesday: picnic

thursday: seeing new moon with mes amis

friday: interview for charity collecting job

next saturday and the saturday after that: partay

i like having plans.

here are some badass pictures

jello biafra being all stripey like

dylan being gorgeousness personified, my current desktop wallpaper

steve mcqueen's badass mugshot

love it

ted bundy, the ultimate badass

haute/hate

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borderline personality disorder

"a marked and persistent identity disturbance is almost invariably present. this is often pervasive, and is manifested by uncertainty about several life issues, such as self-image, types of friends or lovers to have, and which values to adopt. the person often experiences this instability of self-image as chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom.

interpersonal relationships are usually unstable and intense, and may be characterized by alternation of the extremes of overidealization and devaluation. these people have difficulty tolerating being alone, and will make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

affective instability is common. this may be evidenced by marked mood shifts from baseline mood to depression, irritability, or anxiety, usually last a few hours or, only rarely, more than a few days. in addition, these people often have inappropriately intense anger with frequent displays of temper or recurrent physical fights. they tend to be impulsive, particularly in activities that are potentially self-damaging, such as shopping sprees, psychoactive substance abuse, binge eating, reckless driving, casual sex, and shoplifting."

~ from the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, 3d edition, revised (1987), pp. 346-47

slightly bemused by the total rejection

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julia

half of what i say is meaningless
but i say it just to reach you,
julia

julia, julia, oceanchild, calls me
so i sing a song of love, julia
julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
so i sing a song of love, julia

her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering,
in the sun

julia, julia, morning moon, touch me
so i sing a song of love, julia

when i cannot sing my heart
i can only speak my mind, julia

julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
so i sing a song of love, julia
calls me
so i sing a song of love for julia, julia, julia

you're a big girl now

every time i listen to this song i want to burst into tears

figment

i did not realise until more than a month had gone by, but on october 2nd nat finkelstein, a photojournalist who took some of the warhol factory period's most iconic photos, passed away. below is an essay he wrote on his time in the factory interpersed with some of his most famous photos.

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the satellites.

they thought they were special; that was their delusion. they thought they were unique; that was their conceit. they thought they were indispensable; that was their downfall. lie creatures from a horror flick they emerged from the swamps of middle america crying the infectious cry of the mutant, 'i need more creatures who resemble me.' and when he had gathered his spearhead of flittering monster, ann dee ANN dee ANN DEE WHORHOL, of pittsburgh, pennsylvanis, embarked on his revolution of perversion, toys and titillation. his objectives were simple: turn the outside inside and the inside outside and after all, why not?

outside the glass was shattering, the shit was approaching the fan. inside was cherries jubilee and unlimited dollops of cream. outside was watts, hanoi, birmingham, dallas, and hairy truck drivers leaning out of their cabs and yelling 'FAGGOT…..WHORE!' inside was panna grady's. doctor feelgood's, stanley's, la mama, the village and the holy of holies, the golden ark, the temple, home plate…: the FACTORY, their home, their world, their womb. outside, JFK …golden knight with miniskirted wife…was dead: business and bombs were booming, inside the children played strange games like see me, touch me, hurt me….'ah'.

children of the rich they became sevants to the privileged and so carried servants' arrogance on their platters. they served the talented so they thought they had talent. they served the licentious so they thougth they had licence… in their playrooms they migth tie a playmate up, under a glass topped table. squat on the glass and shit…giggle giggle kakka doodgy… look look! if their hamburger was medium instead of rare they would reduce the waitress to tears. they were the children of the jet set but their world could be circumnavigated by a ten dollar taxi ride: from seven bleecker street to stanley's, by the firehouse, from doctor bishop's to panna grady's; breakfastlunchdinner at the canal street luncheonette, 6 am fresh baked danish and an egg cream or maybe a hot dog at the seventy second street dabrette's, all night service and then sleep and then seven bleecker to score again.

but seven bleecker was street and street dealers are practical folks…. 'money talks shit walks…fuck the poetry gimme cash.' and cash was the rub, cameras, radios, pretty bodies, nubile tongues and soft mouths were in abundant supply but cash was short; so it was friendly doctors and visitors from tangiers and ibiza who became their afternoon audience. amphetamines were legally available in spain and morocco and these were white middle class kids, expert at whine and wiggle…speed and delirium, reflected light of aluminium foilstars, the great new york artsy, fartsy incest crowd… 'poppa on the bottom, momma on the top, sister in the middle, yellin gimme speed, pop'

monnapoppashisterbrother fornicating in the same womb…desolation road…lost in the rain everybody talking love but nobody getting their fingers wer… sex hour in the zoo…pernutations and combinations…. and in the created chaos of this inside-out world stood bleached blond, blue contact lensed albino barnum… great genius of the twentieth century… ANDY!... ANN DEE ANN DEE! War (sigh) hol ready to lead his speedfreaks, dragqueens, dominatries, hustlers and junkies out of their new york cave and into mainstream america. DOCTOR WARHOLAS travelling medicine show ready to appear at campuses, gallery opening, museums, shopping mall inaugurals, weddings and bar mitzvahs all over the country. selling his phantasies about art, money, decadence and instant celebrity to america's children of all ages. and at the center was the factory, cavern on 46th street, the nexusplexus sucking in the rebels, dreamers, gullibles, hopefuls, manipulators, minnow and sharks: the perfect peaches praying for a bruise. ginger bread house… come in hansel, welcome gretel, oh how pretty you look, welcome welcome.

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wasn't it a long way down

serial killers fascinate me more than is socially acceptable, especially ted bundy



"i didn't know what made people want to be friends. i didn't know what made people attractive to one another. i didn't know what underlay social interactions."


"you feel the last bit of breath leaving their body. you're looking into their eyes. a person in that situation is god."

judge edward cowart sentencing bundy to death: "it is ordered that you be put to death by a current of electricity, that that current be passed through your body until you are dead. take care of yourself, young man. i say that to you sincerely; take care of yourself. it's a tragedy for this court to see such a total waste of humanity as i've experienced in this courtroom. you're a bright young man. you'd have made a good lawyer, and i'd have loved to have you practice in front of me, but you went the wrong way, partner. take care of yourself. i don't have any animosity to you. i want you to know that."
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oh shit

i am so stoned right now
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cry-baby

everything about traci lords in cry-baby is perfection.