Monday, December 26, 2011

blue dark

it's you, it's you, it's all for you
everything i do
i tell you all the time
heaven is a place on earth with you
tell me all the things you want to do
i heard that you like the bad girls
honey, is that true?
it's better than i ever even knew
they say that the world was built for two
only worth living if somebody is loving you
baby now you do

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

we are young, we run free

i'm a lot happier now. i feel secure with, and love, my friends - they are all wonderful and i hope i'll always be blessed enough to associate myself with them. i have let go of the past, finally, and while in some senses i look back with bitterness i know i am above all that now. i eat less junk food (although i can't attest to perfection). i have started running again, and the sense of freedom and perseverance and strength and accomplishment that comes with it has finally returned to me. i'm reading books again, and enjoying them. i still smoke, but we all have our vices and i get a lot of pleasure out of it for now. somebody loves me, unconditionally, and i love them the same. and it's not tinged with mediocrity or cynicism like most of the relationships around us: it is completely pure, maybe a little naive, but still grounded in determination to be together forever. the kind of love where we talked about marriage and growing old together after three months, stuff that sounds completely silly and in-the-moment and frivolous but was, and is, wholly believed by both of us. and we are both just deliriously happy together. my best friend told me, that she had never believed in love until us. anyway enough of that stuff

so in spite of all this happiness - probably the happiest i've ever been, and the most secure i've ever felt here in melbourne - i have to leave, very soon. i found out fairly recently that i'm to be sent to japan and south korea by my modelling agency, leaving for four months at the start of january. it will be an amazing experience, but it couldn't have come at a worse time. still, i'm sure it will work out fine. i'll come home, hopefully a few thousands of dollars richer, and i can put a deposit on a house with the love of my life, and that will be that. and then all i have to worry about is transferring to a different university and getting a degree, and then getting a job and having babies and living happily ever after and stuff. (this is all completely straight-faced, i hope you know, and i have lots of reason to believe that being happy for the rest of my life is a reasonable assumption to make.)
and yeah

Sunday, November 6, 2011

sodom and gomorrah

"those were vile people in both those cities, as is well known. the world was better off without them.

and lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. but she did look back, and i love her for that, because it was so human.
so she turned to a pillar of salt. so it goes."
- slaughterhouse five, kurt vonnegut

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

true love will find you in the end

happiness has found me at last, i don't know how, i don't know what i did to deserve it. but in the past three months of my life i have heard things i never thought i would hear from another person ever. and i have passed the initial utter delirium of the process of falling in love and it's not the same but it still feels wonderful, safe. all i want is for everyone to be as happy as i feel now. i never would have thought i'd be loved, not in a million years.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

astral body

"what did my fingers do before they held him?
what did my heart do, with its love?
i have never seen a thing so clear.
his lids are like the lilac-flower
and soft as a moth, his breath.
i shall not let go.
there is no guile or warp in him. may he keep so."

- three women, sylvia plath

Friday, September 2, 2011

do you realise

"and i guess you're proof that when you finally let go of the past, something better comes along."

perfect, perfect, perfect.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

oh! darling

so much has happened within the last three weeks or so... i really haven't been this happy in years. i'm so lucky to have the people in my life that i do.

august playlist
1. pumped up kicks - foster the people
2. bundle up - the cool kids
3. terminally chill - neon indian
4. shadowboxin' - gza
5. my girl - the temptations
6. talkin' bout hey love - de la soul
7. auditorium - mos def
8. ex-girl to next girl - gang starr
9. little green bag - george baker
10. nutmeg - ghostface killah
11. bonita applebum - a tribe called quest
12. best of my love - the emotions
13. sacre cool - young montana
14. hip 2 da game - lord finesse
15. u-love - j dilla

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Tomorrow is Saint Valentine's day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.
Then up he rose and donn'd his clo'es
And dupp'd the chamber door,
Let in the maid, that out a maid
Never departed more.

By Gis and by Saint Charity,
Alack, and fie for shame!
Young men will do't if they come to't
By Cock, they are to blame.
Quoth she, 'Before you tumbled me,
You promis'd me to wed.'

'So would I 'a' done, by yonder sun,
An thou hadst not come to my bed.'

Monday, July 18, 2011

does life seem worthwhile to you?

ay me. will to try, fading....

Thursday, July 14, 2011


“it’s all like a dream. everything is ecstasy, inside. we just don’t know it because of our thinking-minds. but in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright forever and forever and forever. close your eyes, let your hands and nerve-ends drop, stop breathing for 3 seconds, listen to the silence inside the illusion of the world, and you will remember the lesson you forgot, which was taught in immense milky way soft cloud innumerable worlds long ago and not even at all. it is all one vast awakened thing. i call it the golden eternity. it is perfect. we were never really born, we will never really die. it has nothing to do with the imaginary idea of a personal self, other selves, many selves everywhere: self is only an idea, a mortal idea. that which passes into everything is one thing. it’s a dream already ended. there’s nothing to be afraid of and nothing to be glad about. i know this from staring at mountains months on end. they never show any expression, they are like empty space. do you think the emptiness of space will ever crumble away? mountains will crumble, but the emptiness of space, which is the one universal essence of mind, the vast awakenerhood, empty and awake, will never crumble away because it was never born.”

jack kerouac

Sunday, July 10, 2011

my doom smiles at me

i love you. and i've been listening to way too much patsy cline lately, never a good combination.

Monday, July 4, 2011

things i loved, but did not love enough

"from the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. one fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was ee gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was europe and africa and south america, and another fig was constantin and socrates and attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs i couldn't quite make out.

i saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because i couldn't make up my mind which of the figs i would choose. i wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and as i sat there unable to decide the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."
- the bell jar, sylvia plath

Friday, July 1, 2011

bringing it all back home

sorry to the anon for whom i answered those questions and then deleted them, i decided that it's probably not a good idea to air such deeply private matters on a such a public forum that some people i know can see. that two-odd weeks in which i had the link to this blog up on facebook, and then wisely decided to take it down have certainly made blogging that much more interesting...

but yeah maybe i'll stick to just anonymous privacy-invading formsprings instead of devoting a whole post to my weird personal life. get on it!

anyway as a follow-up to that stuff i deleted, everything is still ambiguous. oh, life.
dear boys,
please decide if you like me, or if you do not like me. perform the necessary actions to indicate which of the prior feelings is relevant. stop being weird. (probably a bit optimistic.)
sincerely, alex.

also, on thursday night a combination of no food/being a bit drunk/being a lot stoned/standing up too fast caused me to faint in the middle of a crowded bar, smack my head on the tiles and get a mild concussion. fun fun fun. just thought i'd share, because that's the most interesting thing that has happened to me this week.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

the best friends i have had

nintendo 64

1. my first best friend, since kindergarten i think. however while we sat together in class/i liked to braid her hair and stuff, i was a very antisocial child and i chose to wander around alone during lunchtime, making up stories instead of spending time with the other children. we drifted after i left melbourne for a year in year three. by the time we were in the same class again in year 6, we were completely different people. we both ended up moving to different schools and i haven't seen her in years.

2. she was my best friend when i moved to new south wales for a year. we used to bond over playing pokemon gold, and sometimes i would go to her house and we would play perfect dark on nintendo 64. however i lost a little respect for her when i found out she supported john howard (yes i had already been indoctrinated into my parents' socially liberal political agenda by the age of 7). then i moved back to melbourne at the end of the year. there was talk of her moving to melbourne later on as well, but she never did. she added me on facebook a while ago, it's funny seeing people you only knew as children all grown up, and i suppose she feels the same was about me.

3. i befriended her in year 5, she has such a warmth and frenetic energy that attracted me and she used to be a bit of a social butterfly. however over time she clung to me more and more strongly, and at the end of year 6 my parents asked the school to put us in different classes for year 7 so we could make different friends. we ended up hanging out in a big group with some of my friends the next year, and then i moved schools. we still remain close friends but now a struggles to make friends where i don't anymore, almost a role reversal of what we used to be. i see her quite often. she can still be a bit clingy but mostly i love to spend time with her.

4. i made friends with her at the start of year 11. by that stage i had lost all my friends from the previous two years, and we became known as a single entity, neither of us really had any other friends so we stuck together. we had so many wonderful times together that i look back upon fondly, but by the end of year 12 i was struggling for independence while she was struggling to keep us together. this year we are in different countries, and i started university while she can't until next year. she was very upset when i told her i wasn't taking a gap year. but i like the friends i have made this year, and i like being my own person for a change. i still love her a lot i guess. i'll see what happens when she gets back.

Monday, May 30, 2011

dumb things that i say

"i'm not a socialist, i love buying stuff"

"man, your house is, like, carb-fest"
"i am soooooo sober"
"i forgot how to do long division"

Sunday, May 29, 2011


Thursday, May 26, 2011

ready or not

i can't articulate my feelings about today. i had two separate, both fairly bleak discussions about my views on my life. and one of them was with someone i haven't spoken to properly in ages and it felt beautiful and just like old times, and made me a little sad that he will never be anything more than a friend ever again.
i want to change my life so that i don't feel quite so depressed about it all the time, but i don't know how. i'm not as bad as i used to be, but a lot of things still go wrong for me almost always these days. (and people always tell me that you get what you give, but i try so hard for things, and put in so much effort, and they never work out.)
oh and to 'a friend', i am almost certain i know who you are. and i'm sorry, i was feeling bitter and frustrated and disappointed with everyone. and listening to "why'd ya do it" by marianne faithfull.
i'm sorry my blog is so boring i will try and think of more things to put on it that isn't moodiness or music that i like.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

wasted hours

i'm a sucker for nostalgia. i can't explain it or even express it coherently, but everywhere i have ever been and everything i have ever done, i look back on and miss intensely. places where i used to go on holiday, my old school/s, parties i got drunk and silly at, people i used to talk to. i miss my mum and dad working at the age. i miss playing the cello. i miss new york. i miss living in kiama. i don't know what it is, maybe i long for a simpler time - as if every passing second makes life more and more complicated. i can look to the future now, without feeling so scared, but i still look back all the time, and ache for everything i can never return to.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

the past month, bulleted (word to your moms)

  • $3 white wine, apple cider, vodka and cranberry, but now mainly $3 white wine because i can't afford anything else anymore
  • on that note, getting down to my last $20
  • "remember that time when alex got drunk and...... oh wait, alex is ALWAYS drunk!" - one of my friends. well i can't argue with that.
  • jump around - house of pain
  • the toff in town
  • befriending the british bouncer at the toff in town
  • three day eurovision-viewing bender
  • too many packs of peter stuyvesants
  • 4th chamber - gza/genius (feat ghostface killah, rza, killah priest)
  • wearing ridiculous clothes everywhere ie this -
  • never going to uni
  • writing essays the night they are due
  • sleeping on other people's floors
  • being stared down by pedestrians when i walk to the tram stop the next morning in the above ridiculous clothes and wearing dark glasses
  • backstage work for a wonderful play
  • eyes be closed - washed out

Saturday, April 30, 2011


five things you will find if you open my bag:

1. ipod (if nothing else. i am basically surgically attached)
2. wallet
3. iphone

4. cigarettes & lighter 

5. mints

five things in my bedroom:

1. pictures of everyone i love (edie, marianne, syd, brigitte etc.)
a pair of 1970s kirk and spock figurines
3. record player & records
4. various old cameras (most of them non-functional)
5. diaries ranging from when i was 7 or 8 to the present day

five things i want to do in my life:

1. learn to play the guitar
2. be photographed by terry richardson
3. be in an american apparel ad
4. figure out what my special talent is (there must be something i'm good at)
5. live in new york city

five things that make me very happy:

1. listening to music on long solitary walks
2. drunk texting/receiving drunk texts
3. reading passages of books which powerfully resonate with me
4. watching episodes of 30 rock and the inbetweeners with a cup of tea
5. feeling loved and accepted for who i am

five things i’m currently into:

1. a certain boy
2. illmatic by nas
3. messing around with virtual dj
4. white lacey items of clothing
5. pearl earrings i stole from my sister

five things on my to-do list: 

1. save some money for once
2. finish all the books i have piled up
3. write one of the three essays due in the next month
4. get my hair re-dyed (my regrowth is atrocious)
5. remove the pile of clothing from my bedroom floor

five things some people may or may not know about you:

1. i hate introducing one of my closest friends to other people because she is so nice and interesting that they end up liking her more than me
2. i used to pray to god every night when i was little, because i was afraid that my friends and family would get hurt or die if i didn’t
3. i think i might believe in god again and this concept terrifies me
4. sometimes i worry that i am a genuinely awful person, that i have no conscience and i don’t care about anyone but myself
5. when i was 13 i learned something about my dad that could break up our family, but i’ve never told my parents because i don’t want that to happen

currently listening to:
electric relaxation - a tribe called quest
dance to the music - sly & the family stone
hello - martin solveig

Sunday, April 24, 2011

first we take manhattan

oh yeah, that stuff that i said about being happy? ehhh not so much, now that i am sick AGAIN. just having so much fun. now i have conjunctivitis, and since i coughed up blood this morning, either a throat infection or lung cancer. it's pretty neato.

on the bright side, my splendour in the grass fundraising is going pretty well lately, i'm selling about half of my clothes and i've made almost $100 already. just need this conjunctivitis to heal up so i can go to work on wednesday and thursday, make another $200 and then i'm pretty much set (may need to be indebted to parents though, great...)


stoned texting, while relatively indecipherable - even more so, in my experience, than drunk texting - sometimes has good outcomes
like when it turns out the male of choice that you are texting is also stoned, and when he gets back from bluesfest he promises to share a bottle of wine with you soon. lovely

so just quietly, really quite content. and also i like to think all of that stupid stuff i wrote about yesterday was a big misunderstanding. maybe it was. in fact the only thing in the world that could possibly make me happier is if my ex-boyfriend disappeared from my life completely and utterly, just for a while, it still hurts a bit and i'd like to stabilise my emotions before i have to deal with that stuff again. yeah. that would be nice
wow none of that post had any structure or sense, it was just a good weird semi-cryptic rant because people i know in real life might read this. um so in conclusion, most things are ok

Friday, April 22, 2011

the angels forget to pray for us

“i can never read all the books i want; i can never be all the people i want and live all the lives i want. i can never train myself in all the skills i want. and why do i want? i want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. and i am horribly limited.” - sylvia plath

i feel so lonely, none of my friends ever invite me to things anymore and i don't know whether it's because i've been sick or because they don't like me now. i am so isolated and i don't know what i've done wrong, i wish they would just talk to me, i can't stand being ignored.

"Everything" by Sharon Olds

Sunday, April 17, 2011

my light shines on

and so my body's backlash against too much drinking/smoking/partying, not enough sleep and being a vegetarian has commenced. woke up on sunday morning with a very nasty case of tonsillitis and since then i have been wandering the house looking consumptive and wallowing in my own suffering and misery. on the bright side, quitting smoking will be a lot easier now since at present i can't think about cigarettes without wanting to weep in pain.

(and so less than a month after i am legally able to buy cigarettes, i decide to quit smoking. what a joke)
(although i'm really not sure how i'm supposed to feel about quitting, because i won't be able to be anna karina/edie.... although even though i'm not a heavy smoker by any means i will certainly be a lot healthier for it)
but yeah in other news life is wonderful

currently listening to:
movin' on up - primal scream
quality control - jurassic 5
everyday people - sly and the family stone

Monday, April 11, 2011

held the hand of satan

i deleted my tumblr the other day because i was bored of it and it ended up just being a followers-based thing which meant i never really posted what i wanted to anymore. and i don't feel that way about this blog for some reason. it's like a very heavily censored version of my diary, with pretty pictures and a lot less angst (believe it or not).

so right now all i am doing is sleeping, going out, eating, liking boys i can't have, blah blah. initially it was all so exciting but now i feel like i am slipping back into mundanity and this saddens me a little bit. but i suppose one thing that is really nice is to have friends. having people that really do like me and want to spend time with me, for the first time in the better part of four years.

"all changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - anatole france

currently listening to
transdermal celebration - ween
concrete schoolyard - jurassic 5
dance yrself clean - lcd soundsystem

Monday, March 28, 2011

taxi driver

this film changed my life. "loneliness has followed me my whole life. everywhere. in bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. there's no escape. i'm god's lonely man..."

Sunday, March 27, 2011

almost 18

definitely not ready for this adulthood shit. i have already managed to lose one of my birthday presents, a beautiful art deco ring, somewhere in my room. yep, responsibility is my middle name. although i will enjoy being able to whip out my actual learner's permit when buying cigarettes/booze or entering licensed venues, it's going to be the biggest novelty ever for the first few days. life is weird

Sunday, March 20, 2011

does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body?


"now i’ll never see him again, and maybe it’s a good thing. he walked out of my life last night for once and for all. i know with sickening certainty that it’s the end. there were just those two dates we had, and the time he came over with the boys, and tonight. yet i liked him too much -- way too much, and i ripped him out of my heart so it wouldn’t get to hurt me more than it did. oh, he’s magnetic, he’s charming; you could fall into his eyes. let’s face it: his sex appeal was unbearably strong. i wanted to know him -- the thoughts behind the handsome, confident, wise-cracking mask."- sylvia plath

Friday, March 18, 2011

i can resist everything except temptation

her hair.
did a bad, bad thing last night
the bit that scares me is that a little part of me wants to do it again

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

love death

ok i know i say this about a lot of things but there are literally no words to describe how beautiful this is:

Sunday, March 13, 2011

fainting spells

"but he dared not show himself, for what she wanted he could not give: his love was in the earth, shattered and still, dried flowers where eyes should be, and moss upon the lips, his love was faraway feeding on the rain, lilies frothing from its ruin. withdrawing, she went up the stairs, and joel, who listened to her footfalls overhead as she in her need of him searched the jungle of rooms, felt for himself ferocious contempt: what was his terror compared with miss wisteria's? he owned a room, he had a bed, any minute now he would run from here, go to them. but for miss wisteria, weeping because little boys must grow tall, there would always be this journey through dying rooms until some lonely day she found her hidden one, the smiler with the knife."
- truman capote, other voices, other rooms
a bit of green in lots of blue

Saturday, March 12, 2011

if you want it

so i've been sifting through the past year or so of posts, fixing tags and stuff, because i'm bored. and in the last few months, a bunch of comments have popped up from anonymous posters saying nice things. alarmingly, although not surprisingly, a number of these seem to come from people who know/know of me in real life. reveal yourselves, kindly anons!

also here are some nice photos from a disposable camera i just got developed, it's a strange "fortune cookie camera" i bought from urban outfitters that prints one's fortune at the bottom of the photo. these are photos of me from a night which wound up being really quite awful and distressing, and the morning after. but at least the pictures came up nice.

currently listening to:
homecoming - the teenagers
i hate rock'n'roll - the jesus & mary chain
peter gunn vs. where's your head at - 2 many dj's
sometimes - my bloody valentine

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

criteria for boys that i like

because i'm really bored, and because i'm hopefully moving in on the aforementioned hipster tonight, this seems like a constructive thing to do

- attractive. and by this i mean, be attractive to me, rather than meet some kind of standardized criteria for attractiveness. i have the most erratic taste in guys ever and i may find people attractive who are by popular opinion, unattractive, and vice versa.
- intelligent. and well-read. if you are a james joyce fan i will inevitably begin worshipping you as some sort of intellectual demi-god.
- interested in me. unfortunately guys who meet this criteria are few and far between.
- good taste in music. i won't, nay, cannot love someone who listens to nickelback. sad but true. music takes up such a huge proportion of my life, i have an enormous emotional connection to it and i like to talk about it a lot, so if i want to discuss the finer points of the velvet underground's loaded and you are only interested in 3oh!3, it's probably not going to work out.
- open-minded. about smoking, drinking, drugs etc. i have no interest in boring sanctimonious people.
- tolerant of my social awkwardness. your friends will probably think i'm a bitch. most people do. just so you're prepared, i will be too intimidated to converse with them normally, and this may or may not improve over time.

i am deeply emotionally dependent on my relationships with others, so if you meet this criteria i will be whipped almost immediately and be utterly bereft and broken hearted when you inevitably get bored and leave. so uhh, get in line boys.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

the valley of the shadow of death

the concept that most terrifies me is that one can never fall out of love - we will always feel that twinge of emotion sometimes, no matter how deep we bury it inside ourselves so that we don't have to think about it anymore. because right now all i think about is you, and every time i see you (which is almost every day) makes everything a little bit worse when you leave. i just want my life back. i have idealised you so much in my mind that you are no longer human, but a symbol of everything i could ever want.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

i want you to notice when i'm not around


Friday, March 4, 2011

all the time we wasted, i'd only waste it again

i love when first impressions turn out to be wrong and people are actually lovely, when the most dubious fake ids in the world inexplicably work, when you see friends you haven't encountered in years, when people call you beautiful, when you feel a little bit hopeful, for the first time in what seems like forever.

february playlist
1. rill rill - sleigh bells
2. party and bullshit (ratatat remix) - notorious b.i.g.
3. gen-n-e-y - m.i.a.
4. roman's revenge (ft. lil' wayne) - nicki minaj
5. enter the ninja - die antwoord
6. coconut bible - yuck
7. block after block - matt & kim
8. not in love (ft. robert smith) - crystal castles
9. no fun vs. push it - 2 many djs
10. the suburbs (continued) - arcade fire

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

higher than the sun

things i have learned so far this year:
- people are actually really, genuinely nice outside in the real world (as opposed to school)
- nightclubs are not for me, they are too noisy to talk to/bond with people
- as a rule i tend to have the best nights with people i have never met before when i am blind drunk
- full-time retail work is incredibly soul-crushing (although i am piss weak when it comes to doing any form of hard work)
- my infamously awful fake id which says i am 20 years old and looks nothing like me genuinely works (except for that one guy at federation square 7-eleven who refuses to sell me cigarettes)
- a break-up is the most depressingly awful thing i have ever experienced in my life so far
- DO NOT say 'i love you too' unless you are ABSOLUTELY sure that they actually said 'i love you'
- the morning after pill is one of the most awkward items anyone could ever have the misfortune to need to purchase

recent developments:
- classes have started
- gay guys really like me (i am known in some circles as 'queen of the gays')
- i may have a bit of a crush on a certain pipe-smoking hipster with whom i attend melbourne uni, guess who xoxo

Monday, February 21, 2011


Friday, February 18, 2011

we run away but we don't know why

“i want people to know that almost everything that concerns them in their daily lives is of no consequence whatsoever. nothing and nobody is really important, so people, realizing that, should get on with their lives, go mad, take their clothes off, jump in the canal, jump into one of those supermarket trolleys, race ‘round the supermarket and steal mars bars and, y’know, kiss kittens and sit on the back of bread vans. whatever makes people happy they should just do it, ‘cos time is a mere scratch and life is nothing.” - morrissey

currently listening to:
rill rill - sleigh bells
post break-up sex - the vaccines
swate - das racist

Monday, February 14, 2011

and what a time it was

a time of innocence, a time of confidences
happy valentines day for yesterday ♥♥

Thursday, February 10, 2011

the sky too is folding under you

someone telling you that they don't love you any more is the worst feeling in the world
but i'll be fine, i think

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


i consider it one of my greatest signs of trust to allow someone to see me without makeup. outside my immediate family there is only a handful of people who have. i don't know why but putting eyeliner on so frequently for the better part of three years has made it an indelible part of my sense of identity, and i just feel so vulnerable without it. so even though i am convinced i look awful when my face is bare, it still feels nice to completely remove my mask in front of you, or at least one of them.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

my old ways

you may not believe it
but there are people
who go through life with
very little
friction or
they dress well, eat
well, sleep well.
they are contented with
their family
they have moments of
but all in all
they are undisturbed
and often feel
very good.
and when they die
it is an easy
death, usually in their
you may not believe
but such people do
but i am not one of
oh no, I am not one of them,
I am not even near
to being
one of
but they
are there
and I am

- charles bukowski