Wednesday, July 28, 2010


fitter, happier, more productive, comfortable, not drinking too much, regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week), getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries, at ease, eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats), a patient better driver, a safer car (baby smiling in back seat), sleeping well (no bad dreams), no paranoia, careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole), keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then), will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in the wall), favors for favors, fond but not in love, charity standing orders, on sundays ring road supermarket (no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants), car wash (also on Sundays), no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows, nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate, nothing so childish - at a better pace, slower and more calculated, no chance of escape, now self-employed, concerned (but powerless), an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism), will not cry in public, less chance of illness, tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat), a good memory, still cries at a good film, still kisses with saliva, no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick, that's driven into frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness), calm, fitter, healthier and more productive, a pig in a cage on antibiotics.

- fitter, happier by radiohead

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

one day i will learn how to dance like this

Saturday, July 24, 2010

favourite painting + favourite quote

transfiguration by raphael
"he who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. and when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you."
- nietzsche

Thursday, July 22, 2010

what do you think i'd see

i have come to the realisation that my life is actually driven not by the present, but by the promise of the future. i can't get through the day without fantasizing about school being over, because my dream is transformation. all i can do is hope that the moment i leave school, i will cease to be a complete loser by proxy, and become the future me that i daydream about. it's strange, i don't know if it's quite normal to agonize about the prospect of becoming a different person by a dramatic change in circumstances, but it's what i live for, leaving behind the person i am now.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

tallulah bankhead's last words

"codeine..... bourbon....."

Monday, July 19, 2010


the only song lyrics that genuinely terrify me:

"ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
waiting for someone or something to show you the way

tired of lying in the sunshine
staying home to watch the rain
but you are young and life is long
and there is time to kill today

and then one day you find
ten years have got behind you
no one told you when to run
you missed the starting gun

and you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
racing around to come up behind you again
the sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
shorter of breath and one day closer to death

every year is getting shorter
never seem to find the time
plans that either come to nought
or half a page of scribbled lines

hanging on in quiet desparation is the english way
the time is gone
the song is over
thought i'd something more to say"

Sunday, July 18, 2010

and again

today was a good day. i drove at 100km/h for the first time, and my dad gave me two kodak box brownies dating back to 1929 and 1946 respectively. i also made this video last night because i was really bored. i watched fight club and now this is my favourite haiku:

worker bees can leave
even drones can fly away
the queen is their slave

Sunday, July 11, 2010

so happy

you deserved this so much <3

Saturday, July 10, 2010


"the condition of true shyness may simply involve the discomfort of difficulty in knowing what to say in social situations, or may include crippling physical manifestations of uneasiness. shyness usually involves a combination of both symptoms, and may be quite devastating for the sufferer, in many cases leading them to feel that they are boring, or exhibit bizarre behavior in an attempt to create interest, alienating them further. behavioral traits in social situations such as smiling, easily producing suitable conversational topics, assuming a relaxed posture and making good eye contact, which come spontaneously for the average person, may not be second nature for a shy person. such people might only effect such traits by great difficulty, or they may even be impossible to display.
shyness is considered to be a neutral personality trait by people who are not shy, but a very negative trait by those who are shy themselves. in fact, those who are shy are actually perceived more negatively because of the way they act towards others. shy individuals are often distant during conversations, which may cause others to create poor impressions of them, simply adding to their shyness in social situations ... to an unsympathetic observer, a shy individual may be mistaken as cold, distant, arrogant or aloof, which can be frustrating for the shy individual."

Thursday, July 8, 2010


one of the most amazing, beautiful, horrifying movies i have ever seen

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

home, home again

oxford street, leicester square, regent street, trafalgar square, piccadilly circus. tate modern, national gallery, tower bridge, big ben, london eye, tower of london. london, bath, stratford, lakes district, manchester. charles dickens, jane austen, thomas hardy, william wordsworth, charlotte/emily/anne bronte.

god it feels awful to be back in fucking australia.