Monday, May 30, 2011

dumb things that i say

"i'm not a socialist, i love buying stuff"

"man, your house is, like, carb-fest"
"i am soooooo sober"
"i forgot how to do long division"

Sunday, May 29, 2011


Thursday, May 26, 2011

ready or not

i can't articulate my feelings about today. i had two separate, both fairly bleak discussions about my views on my life. and one of them was with someone i haven't spoken to properly in ages and it felt beautiful and just like old times, and made me a little sad that he will never be anything more than a friend ever again.
i want to change my life so that i don't feel quite so depressed about it all the time, but i don't know how. i'm not as bad as i used to be, but a lot of things still go wrong for me almost always these days. (and people always tell me that you get what you give, but i try so hard for things, and put in so much effort, and they never work out.)
oh and to 'a friend', i am almost certain i know who you are. and i'm sorry, i was feeling bitter and frustrated and disappointed with everyone. and listening to "why'd ya do it" by marianne faithfull.
i'm sorry my blog is so boring i will try and think of more things to put on it that isn't moodiness or music that i like.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

wasted hours

i'm a sucker for nostalgia. i can't explain it or even express it coherently, but everywhere i have ever been and everything i have ever done, i look back on and miss intensely. places where i used to go on holiday, my old school/s, parties i got drunk and silly at, people i used to talk to. i miss my mum and dad working at the age. i miss playing the cello. i miss new york. i miss living in kiama. i don't know what it is, maybe i long for a simpler time - as if every passing second makes life more and more complicated. i can look to the future now, without feeling so scared, but i still look back all the time, and ache for everything i can never return to.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

the past month, bulleted (word to your moms)

  • $3 white wine, apple cider, vodka and cranberry, but now mainly $3 white wine because i can't afford anything else anymore
  • on that note, getting down to my last $20
  • "remember that time when alex got drunk and...... oh wait, alex is ALWAYS drunk!" - one of my friends. well i can't argue with that.
  • jump around - house of pain
  • the toff in town
  • befriending the british bouncer at the toff in town
  • three day eurovision-viewing bender
  • too many packs of peter stuyvesants
  • 4th chamber - gza/genius (feat ghostface killah, rza, killah priest)
  • wearing ridiculous clothes everywhere ie this -
  • never going to uni
  • writing essays the night they are due
  • sleeping on other people's floors
  • being stared down by pedestrians when i walk to the tram stop the next morning in the above ridiculous clothes and wearing dark glasses
  • backstage work for a wonderful play
  • eyes be closed - washed out