Monday, November 30, 2009

sounds like summer

revised and extended summer playlist

1. lust for life ~ girls
2. sunny afternoon ~ the kinks
3. don't worry baby ~ the beach boys
4. born to run ~ bruce springsteen
5. just can't get enough ~ nouvelle vague
6. julia ~ the beatles
7. carrot rope ~ pavement
8. dreaming ~ blondie
9. stay alive ~ the pains of being pure at heart
10. here comes the summer ~ the undertones
11. sugar town ~ nancy sinatra
12. it's my life ~ no doubt
13. sleepyhead ~ passion pit
14. 4th time around ~ bob dylan
15. running free ~ buzzcocks

Sunday, November 29, 2009

ciao! manhattan

is on youtube in its entirety. go go go and hit that shit up before it gets deleted for copyright or gratuitous nudity. kind of an awful movie but edie is mesmerising as always. i took some stillz

she was sssssssso beautiful but i guess you already know that


i think i'm putting all my whiney posts on private so this blog is fit for people i know to read

tuesday: volunteer work at op shop from 10:30 - 4:30

wednesday: picnic
thursday: seeing new moon with mes amis
friday: interview for charity collecting job

next saturday and the saturday after that: partay

i like having plans.
here are some badass pictures

jello biafra being all stripey like

dylan being gorgeousness personified, my current desktop wallpaper

steve mcqueen's badass mugshot

love it

ted bundy, the ultimate badass

Wednesday, November 25, 2009



borderline personality disorder

"a marked and persistent identity disturbance is almost invariably present. this is often pervasive, and is manifested by uncertainty about several life issues, such as self-image, types of friends or lovers to have, and which values to adopt. the person often experiences this instability of self-image as chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom.

interpersonal relationships are usually unstable and intense, and may be characterized by alternation of the extremes of overidealization and devaluation. these people have difficulty tolerating being alone, and will make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

affective instability is common. this may be evidenced by marked mood shifts from baseline mood to depression, irritability, or anxiety, usually last a few hours or, only rarely, more than a few days. in addition, these people often have inappropriately intense anger with frequent displays of temper or recurrent physical fights. they tend to be impulsive, particularly in activities that are potentially self-damaging, such as shopping sprees, psychoactive substance abuse, binge eating, reckless driving, casual sex, and shoplifting."

~ from the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, 3d edition, revised (1987), pp. 346-47

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

slightly bemused by the total rejection


Monday, November 23, 2009


half of what i say is meaningless
but i say it just to reach you,

julia, julia, oceanchild, calls me
so i sing a song of love, julia
julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
so i sing a song of love, julia

her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering,
in the sun

julia, julia, morning moon, touch me
so i sing a song of love, julia

when i cannot sing my heart
i can only speak my mind, julia

julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
so i sing a song of love, julia
calls me
so i sing a song of love for julia, julia, julia

Saturday, November 21, 2009

you're a big girl now

every time i listen to this song i want to burst into tears

Monday, November 16, 2009


i did not realise until more than a month had gone by, but on october 2nd nat finkelstein, a photojournalist who took some of the warhol factory period's most iconic photos, passed away. below is an essay he wrote on his time in the factory interpersed with some of his most famous photos.


the satellites.

they thought they were special; that was their delusion. they thought they were unique; that was their conceit. they thought they were indispensable; that was their downfall. lie creatures from a horror flick they emerged from the swamps of middle america crying the infectious cry of the mutant, 'i need more creatures who resemble me.' and when he had gathered his spearhead of flittering monster, ann dee ANN dee ANN DEE WHORHOL, of pittsburgh, pennsylvanis, embarked on his revolution of perversion, toys and titillation. his objectives were simple: turn the outside inside and the inside outside and after all, why not?

outside the glass was shattering, the shit was approaching the fan. inside was cherries jubilee and unlimited dollops of cream. outside was watts, hanoi, birmingham, dallas, and hairy truck drivers leaning out of their cabs and yelling 'FAGGOT…..WHORE!' inside was panna grady's. doctor feelgood's, stanley's, la mama, the village and the holy of holies, the golden ark, the temple, home plate…: the FACTORY, their home, their world, their womb. outside, JFK …golden knight with miniskirted wife…was dead: business and bombs were booming, inside the children played strange games like see me, touch me, hurt me….'ah'.

children of the rich they became sevants to the privileged and so carried servants' arrogance on their platters. they served the talented so they thought they had talent. they served the licentious so they thougth they had licence… in their playrooms they migth tie a playmate up, under a glass topped table. squat on the glass and shit…giggle giggle kakka doodgy… look look! if their hamburger was medium instead of rare they would reduce the waitress to tears. they were the children of the jet set but their world could be circumnavigated by a ten dollar taxi ride: from seven bleecker street to stanley's, by the firehouse, from doctor bishop's to panna grady's; breakfastlunchdinner at the canal street luncheonette, 6 am fresh baked danish and an egg cream or maybe a hot dog at the seventy second street dabrette's, all night service and then sleep and then seven bleecker to score again.

but seven bleecker was street and street dealers are practical folks…. 'money talks shit walks…fuck the poetry gimme cash.' and cash was the rub, cameras, radios, pretty bodies, nubile tongues and soft mouths were in abundant supply but cash was short; so it was friendly doctors and visitors from tangiers and ibiza who became their afternoon audience. amphetamines were legally available in spain and morocco and these were white middle class kids, expert at whine and wiggle…speed and delirium, reflected light of aluminium foilstars, the great new york artsy, fartsy incest crowd… 'poppa on the bottom, momma on the top, sister in the middle, yellin gimme speed, pop'

monnapoppashisterbrother fornicating in the same womb…desolation road…lost in the rain everybody talking love but nobody getting their fingers wer… sex hour in the zoo…pernutations and combinations…. and in the created chaos of this inside-out world stood bleached blond, blue contact lensed albino barnum… great genius of the twentieth century… ANDY!... ANN DEE ANN DEE! War (sigh) hol ready to lead his speedfreaks, dragqueens, dominatries, hustlers and junkies out of their new york cave and into mainstream america. DOCTOR WARHOLAS travelling medicine show ready to appear at campuses, gallery opening, museums, shopping mall inaugurals, weddings and bar mitzvahs all over the country. selling his phantasies about art, money, decadence and instant celebrity to america's children of all ages. and at the center was the factory, cavern on 46th street, the nexusplexus sucking in the rebels, dreamers, gullibles, hopefuls, manipulators, minnow and sharks: the perfect peaches praying for a bruise. ginger bread house… come in hansel, welcome gretel, oh how pretty you look, welcome welcome.


Sunday, November 15, 2009

wasn't it a long way down

serial killers fascinate me more than is socially acceptable, especially ted bundy

"i didn't know what made people want to be friends. i didn't know what made people attractive to one another. i didn't know what underlay social interactions."

"you feel the last bit of breath leaving their body. you're looking into their eyes. a person in that situation is god."

judge edward cowart sentencing bundy to death: "it is ordered that you be put to death by a current of electricity, that that current be passed through your body until you are dead. take care of yourself, young man. i say that to you sincerely; take care of yourself. it's a tragedy for this court to see such a total waste of humanity as i've experienced in this courtroom. you're a bright young man. you'd have made a good lawyer, and i'd have loved to have you practice in front of me, but you went the wrong way, partner. take care of yourself. i don't have any animosity to you. i want you to know that."
_____________________________ ___________________________________

oh shit

i am so stoned right now

Friday, November 13, 2009


everything about traci lords in cry-baby is perfection.

summer playlist

1. here comes the summer ~ the undertones
2. i can't help myself ~ orange juice
3. it's my life ~ no doubt
4. sugar town ~ nancy sinatra
5. zero ~ yeah yeah yeahs
6. dreaming ~ blondie
7. time to pretend ~ mgmt
8. sons and daughters ~ the decemberists
9. little house of savages ~ the walkmen
10. lust for life ~ girls

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

deus ex machina

i saw this movie but i'm not sure if i like it
but every 13 year old girl and her myspace loves it
i think it was a fabulous mindfuck but my death-fear came back after watching it.
this death-fear is becoming very persistent and worrying, i hope i don't have clinical anxiety or something.
i don't think i like benson & hedges as much as kents
want to see dr. strangelove + a million gazillion other things
eg: american beauty
requiem for a dream
dazed and confused
mulholland dr.
lost in translation
the science of sleep
less than zero (once i finish the book)
coffee and cigarettes
fight club (i STILL haven't seen it)
i don't know how to write a blog that isn't self indulgent
because i am self indulgent
can't stop listening to i wanna be your dog!
i think it might be the sexiest song i've listened to.
in a really weird way.

Monday, November 9, 2009

forgive us our trespasses

we have a dog now. it was going to be my grandmother's, to be given to her by my aunt after my grandfather's funeral. my grandmother had a massive stroke at the wake, so obviously the dog-gift kind of fell through. my uncle, a farmer, is irresponsible with his animals so after it was left out in the rain and partially mauled by their bull terrier, my dad took the dog back to us. her name is millie and she is a corgi. i don't like dogs very much, but millie is okay. she is 10 years old though so she will probably not last very long

i had fairy bread for breakfast, continuing my holiday tradition of at least one meal each day being absolute crap

sometimes i wish i could believe in god so that i would feel assured about where i would go after death
then again, sometimes i think i fear immortality even more than i fear death
it all has to end somewhere, sometime, doesn't it.

"every guy i fall for becomes jesus christ within the first twenty-four hours of our relationship. i know that this happens, i see it happening, i even feel myself, sometimes, standing at some temporal crossroads, some distinct moment at which i can walk away - just say no - and keep it from happening, but i never do. i grab at everything, i end up with nothing, and then i feel bereft. i mourn for the loss of something i never even had. i am a sick, sick girl."
elizabeth wurtzel, prozac nation


Saturday, November 7, 2009

no fun

"people like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
albert einstein

often i wish i could be more like this:

and less like this:

to the best of my knowledge, at least for a time andy warhol felt the same way

may be going clubbing soon, a state of drunkenness must be reached as soon as possible in order to feign an air of normality


age of consent

my cat wanted to go outside, but it's nighttime so we wouldn't let him. he then proceeded to run up to the open window, slam his body against the fly screen to open it, and run away into the night. i admire his persistence.

work was okay really. i was just being melodramatic. unfortunately i have to cancel a sleepover i was going to have because they were insistent i work tomorrow. this is irritating because it's occured to me that every weekend is going to be a battle now that i'm working nights. so much for partying these holidays.

saw a gorgeous indie guy on the train. HE HAD A QUIFF. we kept on exchanging glances and at one point he turned around as if he were going to speak to me but he didn't. we got off at the same station. he disappeared into the distance. shattered
i went to a vintage clothing sale, bought:
floral tea-dress ~ $20
denim jacket ~ $10
open-toed flats ~ $10
grey leopard print cardigan ~ $5
was fairly pleased with my haul
life is okay, would have been better if i was proposed to by the indie guy and we got married and lived happily ever after, but whatever.
currently listening to:
cheree ~ suicide
i wanna be your dog ~ iggy & the stooges
lust for life ~ girls
without you i'm nothing ~ placebo

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

the state line felt like the berlin wall

i've spent all of this month's allowance last month. meaning i have zero dollars to get me through various outings, and it's the fucking holidays. lovely

went to an op-shop and saw these fabulous ankle boots, it occured to me that i didn't have the $7 to pay for them so i just walked out wearing them. felt a bit bad until the sole fell off after 10 minutes of walking, looked at them more closely and they were really very flimsy. they probably should have been thrown out in the first place instead of put on sale. i was probably helping the op-shop then, in a sense. well that's what i'm telling myself anyway.

watched sixteen candles. it was kind of awful but in the best way possible and it really holds up quite well these days (apart from the racism), all things considering. john hughes was a god

i realised that depending on the day, like a rolling stone can sound a little or a lot like my life

last night i almost had a panic attack. i think about death quite a lot, i have a morbid fascination of sorts, but when i was lying in my bed trying to sleep, all of a sudden the full force of my mortality hit me all at once and i totally freaked. i felt nauseous with worry and i had to open my facebook and immerse myself in the mundanity of everybody else's lives in order to calm down. it was awful. i hope this isn't going to plague my life now that i can't seperate it from an impending sense of dread