Monday, November 9, 2009

forgive us our trespasses

we have a dog now. it was going to be my grandmother's, to be given to her by my aunt after my grandfather's funeral. my grandmother had a massive stroke at the wake, so obviously the dog-gift kind of fell through. my uncle, a farmer, is irresponsible with his animals so after it was left out in the rain and partially mauled by their bull terrier, my dad took the dog back to us. her name is millie and she is a corgi. i don't like dogs very much, but millie is okay. she is 10 years old though so she will probably not last very long

i had fairy bread for breakfast, continuing my holiday tradition of at least one meal each day being absolute crap

sometimes i wish i could believe in god so that i would feel assured about where i would go after death
then again, sometimes i think i fear immortality even more than i fear death
it all has to end somewhere, sometime, doesn't it.

"every guy i fall for becomes jesus christ within the first twenty-four hours of our relationship. i know that this happens, i see it happening, i even feel myself, sometimes, standing at some temporal crossroads, some distinct moment at which i can walk away - just say no - and keep it from happening, but i never do. i grab at everything, i end up with nothing, and then i feel bereft. i mourn for the loss of something i never even had. i am a sick, sick girl."
elizabeth wurtzel, prozac nation