Sunday, September 19, 2010

pills and soap

next year was supposed to be travel but now it turns out that i have a potential modelling contract that will start literally as soon as i finish my last exam, which is totally bizarre because i sort of forgot about modelling altogether for about two years, planned my fantasy life without it even being factored in and now of a sudden it's forced its way back into my consciousness again and i'm not sure quite what to do with it. the consensus is that i will not be hired for runway because at 5'8" i am far too short, but they think i will pick up quite a bit of photographic work. i don't know whether it will be particularly lucrative but since this agency is still interested even though i'm too short and too fat i assume so, which is comforting.

it's just strange because a while after i was a finalist in this modelling competition i was resigned to living a normal life, and now i don't know if it will be normal at all and i'm not sure if i like this idea or not. i could go to sydney and then hong kong and then maybe other places if i'm any good, but i don't know how to fit in all those other things that had always been a given, like university. i suppose i'll have to go back to my previous future-dream of becoming very famous, appearing in a series of arthouse films, stealing elvis costello from diana krall, being briefly married to morrissey, partying for several years and then dying tragically of a cocaine overdose at the age of 28. i'd better get started, only 11 years to go until deadline. (pun not intended)

in an unrelated matter, two posts ago it was my two-hundreth post. weird, i've never stuck with any creative endeavour for as long as i have this blog.
currently listening to:
i've gotta get a message to you - the bee gees
something in the way - nirvana
when will you come - wavves
gloria - patti smith


bobb said...

The modeling contract is a good thing. As you say you never know where it might take you. There's time to do the other things you want to university will fit in - if not as soon as you graduate, then sometime in not to the distant future.

Anonymous said...

I read this post awhile ago and it's been on my mind since. 28. I don't know whether I'll be around then, death happens suddenly, unexpectedly. No one knows when they're going to do or how, so I want to say this now just in case. You have barely begun your life, there's so much out there for you to see and savour. What we know now is nothing to what we will find out as the future unfolds. I believe that the future will offer us things we never thought we can take a hold of, of things that are beautiful, of things that will make you happy. Don't give up at 28. Don't let the endless opportunities of growing older and wiser with grace slip through your fingers.
I hope you take my words into consideration. I really do. You mean a lot to me although I barely know you. If I didn't speak out, I would never be able to forgive myself. Think about your family. Think about all the acquaintances you've made in life. You play a big influence in each and every one of their lives.
I wish you the best in your future endeavours and truly hope that you reconsider.